My ninth-grade government teacher taught me the term “zero sum economy.” As I understand it, a zero-sum economy has no ability to grow and expand. A finite amount of wealth exists, and if one person has it, another does not. America, I learned, is not a zero sum economy. This country possesses the capacity for its citizens to prosper without displacing the wealth of others.
People say that raising children is expensive, and it is. But the true currency of parenthood is time. The minutes available in a 24-hour period are zero-sum. There’s no expanding the limits of a day; it’s a celestial thing. So we trade time advancing our careers for the ability to be with our young children, or vice versa. We trade our desire to read and rest for chores so that our homes don’t descend into filth. We trade hygiene for sleep. We trade outings with friends for the time to cook homemade meals so our food-allergic children will be safe. We trade reason for intuition, and social acceptance for authenticity.
If we were to pull apart the seams where our choices meet, the edges would be imprecise and filled with gaps and pockets. We may choose to work, but there are days when the babysitter doesn’t show or our child has a fever. Snagged in the seam: the decision to suffer our boss’ consternation for a personal day at the pediatrician’s. We may choose to stay home with our children, but may unravel from the lack of adult contact and alone-time.
There are also swaths of life where no seams exist between the known and unknown: the newborn months, times of change in family structure, periods of illness, moves to new towns, even school spring breaks and summer vacations. Peer between the threads and watch us dart to re-establish routine. Even on regular days, we frey when we question the trades we’ve made. The seam-rippers, Guilt and Longing, stand ready to tear us apart. Relatives and friends stitch us back together with their calls and casseroles. These acts of kindness remind us that while our time is zero-sum, our capacity for love and courage is not.
“Sell your cleverness and buy uncertainty.” -Â Rumi.
Appreciated this post as I blogged on a similar topic the other day. My favorite line is ‘We trade reason for intuition and social acceptance for authenticity.’
I wonder what ‘authenticity’ is, though. Can anything ever be authentic if the definition varies by subjective experience and culture?
Of course, there is always the classic ‘put together sexy’ versus ‘messy sexy’ and I find myself veering toward the latter more and more often…because I am tiiiired.
Mundy, thanks for your comment. For me, authenticity is about acting in accordance with what I know to be right and necessary in a given circumstance. Since circumstances always change, my decisions and behavior must, too. Sometimes authenticity and consistency are confused with one another. To be authentic to myself, I have to assess the situation at hand and make the best decision I can. Tomorrow, my decision might be completely different.
As for sexy, if the tired, under-showered look is ‘messy sexy,’ then I’m smokin’ hot!