New Mom 101

10  things nobody (esp. Hollywood) tells you when you become a new Mom:

1. Mothers give birth to newborns, not infants.

Newborn

Infant

2. Babies may cry briefly and vociferously immediately before falling asleep. If baby’s showing sleepy signs then quickly toggles into a minute or two of wailing, she could be on the cusp of slumber. If her diaper’s ok and she’s not hungry or otherwise in distress, stay cool and quiet for a couple of minutes and see if she conks out.

3. Aforementioned sleepy signs: rocking head, yawning, crying, blowing raspberries, thousand-yard stare, syllable repetition (“MaMaMaMaMaMa”). Babies have sleep ‘windows’ just like grown ups. If you see these signs and are able, hightail it to wind-down mode.

1,000 yard stare

4. C-section ladeez: the numbness at your incision may last a long time (years).

5. Nursing/feeding can get baby’s G.I. tract moving. If your baby wakes late at night with a full, wet diaper, wait til mid-feeding to change it. That way if there’s a ‘code brown’ after some chow, you don’t have to change him twice. Unless of course baby fires another missle after the second half. Best case scenario: baby finishes feeding, has a full belly, empty colon, clean diaper, easy burp, and you and he fall right back to sleep.

6. Light and noise stimulate baby late at night. Keep baby drowsy for maximum family sleep by changing diapers by nightlight. Just wipe everywhere thoroughly for good measure. Or if you have a closet with a light, crack the door and use that light to switch him out. Don’t talk more than you have to, and do so in a whisper voice. Unless of course your little one’s sad and needs reassurance. When it’s daylight, chat that baby up big time!

7. It’s ok to “hit the deck” like a soldier in a bombing raid if your sleeping baby stirs while you check on her. We’ve all done it. Some of us have opted to stay pinned under the crib for an hour rather than risk waking a colicky baby. Partners, say what you will. Sleep trumps all, mo-fo!

9. Postpartum depression (PPD) or other mental strife can happen anytime in the first year after a baby’s born. The sooner you get support, the better. Not only for you, your baby and your family, but for your pocketbook. When depression is diagnosed within the first 6-8 weeks postpartum, it is considered a medical complication of pregnancy. It can be treated by your OB/GYN in a straightforward, self-contained way as part of your prenatal/delivery universal fee.  After 6-8 weeks postpartum, PPD considered a behavioral complication of pregnancy. You will likely be referred outside your OB/GYN’s practice for care, and your insurance company may make a bigger deal of it. Bottom line: if you need help at any point, run, don’t walk to get it and let the insurance chips fall where they may. You are not replaceable and can deal with insurance shenanigans later. But remember that sooner is better. Find support for PPD here.

10.  If you feel like you’re the only one up late at night, take heart. There are leagues of us schlepping down the hall in the day clothes we never changed out of.  Even those of us with toddlers and elementary school kids are rockin’ the midnight shift sometimes. The lights in your neighborhood may be out, but someone somewhere is switching out wet sheets or soothing a child after a nightmare. Feel that crooked barette in your hair and the car keys in your pocket as you fall out of bed. You’re on the 24-7 catwalk in good company, hottie!

11. Yeah, I skipped #8. Mama tired (son having 2 a.m. night terrors.)