M E M O R A N D U M
To: All Staff
From: Toothy Flying Monkey, CEO, Wicked Witch Castle Management, LLC.
Date: November 17, 2011
Re: Holiday Season Training Drills
WWCM will be conducting mandatory training sessions November 20-December 2, 2011 in preparation for the busy holiday season. Employees will be briefed on proper removal of creepy heaps of fabric resulting from deflated holiday yard decorations. (Monkeys who assisted with the post-Dorothy clean-up received sufficient training and are exempt).
The one-hour sessions will consist of a PowerPoint presentation, followed by physical demonstrations. Topics will include:
-Tips for distinguishing secular and religious fabric piles*
-How to unhitch metal anchors and tethers
-Extension cord safety
-Guard dog evasion
-Homeowner education (“Your disturbing collapsed figures are just as visible during the day as they are when inflated at night.”)
-Cleaning and re-appropriation of fabric for emergency shelters.
*Note: Fire-safety will not be included in training. Deflated holiday figures do not hiss or smoke.
^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^
Please sign up for one of the following sessions by Sunday, November 19:
Monday, 9 A.M. (November 20, 28)____________________________________________________
Wednesday, 11 A.M. (November 23, 30)__________________________________________________
Friday, 3 P.M. (November 25; December 2)________________________________________________
Toothy flying monkeys LOVE PowerPoint presentations. I helped conduct the WWOTW mandatory flying monkey training for the removal of seizure-inducing LED holiday lights a couple of years ago, and the conference attendee written evaluations had some definite themes:
-Toothy flying monkeys strongly prefer those fast-moving animation PP slides with sound effects… Static, silent slides = super bored toothy flying monkeys
-Toothy flying monkeys can read very small font, so it’s fine if the slides contain LOTS of text
-Toothy flying monkeys like conference rooms kept very cold. Those soldier uniforms are made of wool, you know?
Pro tip: Consider skipping the pitchers of ice water at the conference tables, because toothy flying monkeys will throw them at the speaker if they don’t agree with something he/she says. Failing that, be sure there’s a first aid kit available for any cuts or bruises that may result.
Ashley, thank you for the insights. Are you available to oversee future seminars?