Let’s Just Listen.

Everyone in my house wants a piece of the volume dial. So they can turn it in opposite directions. Up! Down! A little louder but not as loud as before, please. Oh, I hate this song, turn it down! But this part’s good, can you turn it up?

That’s the kids’ version. Here’s the grown ups’:

Remember this? (turning up) It’s that guy from the 90’s, what was his name? Oh yeah…something about a blue sky?  No, you’re thinking of that Australian group, “Mining.” Wait, is it Matthew Sweet? Yeah, he was good back then, but this song is way too dissonant now (turning down). This is the famous verse (up). Dude, he’s talking about drugs! (down, glancing over shoulder at kids).

Rewind thirty years. Family car outing, Jimmy Buffet, our parents piloting the tape deck.
“Why don’t we get drunk and…“   Zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzwhipppppp!

Fast forward twelve years to high school. My rebellious teenage brother stealthily teeing up Led Zepplin’s “The Lemon Song” for the background music as my family poses for its preppy holiday portrait. Smile! I jab him in the ribs and whisper: What are you doooooing? Turn it down!

My husband Joe and I have always had different volume tolerances. If you paid one of our friends to wear a blindfold, sit in our car, and turn the ignition, he could instantly determine which one of us drove last. Blasting rock + rancid biscuit smell = Joe. Total silence + sour chai stench = me.

Early on in our courtin’, Joe and I went to a Farm Aid concert. On the the long drive home, we nearly blew out the tweeters scream-singing to Pearl Jam. Joe roused the pleasant memory recently, and asked how I could drift so far from my head-banging roots. I confessed I was wearing earplugs that night. My stock plunged.

As parents, Joe and I have finally found common sonic ground. Forty loud plays of Taylor Swift’s “We Are Never Getting Back Together” means we’re both ready to yank the plug on our daughter’s jambox.  I go to her room and ask her to switch to a new song (any song), please, and she leaps for the volume knob.  She’s afraid I’ll find a certain verse offensive. That’s when I realize life has come full circle. Specifically, a silver circle labeled VOL.